By the end of the party, he's got every damn kid doing
the "pull my finger" trick.
Clown car must be started with breathalizer device.
16. Keeps screaming, "My name's not BO-zo, it's bo-ZO!"
15. References to Kierkegaard and Nietzsche are lost
on most 5-year olds.
14. Props for his "disappearing" trick: a moving van
and your wide-screen TV.
13. Scares the holy hell outta the kids during the
"Severed Limb" trick.
12. Tells the kids he killed Barney in a blood match
11. Didn't bring any balloons, but manages to twist
your dachshund into other animal shapes.
10. Prefaces each trick with, "here's a little number
I learned in the joint."
9. Not exactly the Peewee Herman impression you were
8. Wears a T-Shirt that says, "Drug-free since March!"
7. More interested in squirting seltzer into his Scotch
than into his pants.
6. Those huge ears look too darn life-like, and the
entire act consists of showing charts and complaining
about the deficit.
5. A sad clown is one thing -- a clown who spends
the entire party with a gun to his temple is another thing
4. Only balloon animals he can make are a snake and
a "snake on acid."
3. Business cards include the phrase "From the Mind
of Stephen King..."
2. Price list includes "lap dance" and "around the
1. All the balloon animals are ribbed and lubricated.
This list was taken from The
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