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Red Meat Comic

From the Secret Files of Max Cannon come some hilarious clown comics... you'll have to check them out right here.

Kinko the Kid-Loving Clown

This song was often played on the Dr. Demento show... I have the lyrics and a low-quality mp3 for your enjoyment. This song, while rather humorous, is somewhat disgusting... but hey, what are we here for anyway? Click here to go to the page.

 


Animaniacs, 'Clown and Out'

My favorite episode from the Warner Brothers and Sister... even cartoon characters hate clowns. Now if I could only get videos of 'Mime Time' ...


The Top 18 Signs You've Hired the Wrong Clown for Your Child's Party

A great list from Chris White's Top5 that you should definitely read.


To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.

You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.

Laugh, clown, laugh. This is what I tell myself whenever I dress up like Bozo.

Why is it that we will laugh at a man in a clown outfit, but we don't laugh at a man just walking down the street carrying a clown outfit in one of those plastic dry-cleaner bags?

If you're a circus clown, and you have a dog that you use in your act, I don't think it's a good idea to also dress the dog up like a clown, because people see that and they think, "Forgive me, but that's just too much."

Happiness is not a circus clown rolling around in a big tractor tire so that his arms and legs form "spokes." Happiness is when he stops.

He was a spy, all right, and he knew it. He would walk into a room and people would go, "Who the f**k is that guy, a spy?" He'd laugh to himself, maybe pull out his gun and show it to the person, to kind of impress him (but not to show off). Sometimes spying was dirty work. Sometimes he'd kill a guy, then paint a clown face on his face. Nobody said he had to do that, but he did it anyway. So, dirty work.


Actual Jokes:

(man, I hope I get some more soon.. is clown bashing just so taboo that there aren't even any good jokes out there? hmm..)

So, two cannibals are eating a clown.
One turns to the other and says:
"Does this taste funny to you?"

- submitted by Andrew Corradini

Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One asks the other why it took so long to fix supper.
Replying, "Have you ever tried to clean a clown?"
- submitted by Joe Kunkel

Did you hear that Bozo the Clown™™™™™ was murdered last night?
It was an axe-murder -- his legs were over there, his arms over there, and his balls were found in bucket #3.
- submitted by Sue Stagman (I really laughed at this one - remember the 'ol bucket game??)

I've received this next joke so many times - however, it is just too wrong to put up here in whole, so I'll put up the second part of the Q & A (you can probably figure the question out by yourself - I'll put up the best guesses I get) ...

         Q: What is the worst part about
              ?
         A: Getting the blood out of the clown suit.


I need some serious help with these....


The Clown Joke

Once upon a time there were two (as opposed to three) identical twins, who, in defiance of all we know about the genetic basis of intelligence, were anything but identical mentally. One of them was, quite frankly, stupid, while the other was very sharp indeed. In fact, he was a master of ready wit and stunning repartee.

One evening the stupid twin went to a circus that happened to be in town. He went early so he could get a good seat in the front row, right beside the ring, and he thoroughly enjoyed the experience. He marvelled at the elephants, cowered from the lions, and gaped at the trapeze artists in their skimpy costumes; he reacted exactly the way he was meant to.

Last of all, on came the clowns. They were his favourite bit of the circus. All that falling over, all that water, all those custard pies - it was hilarious. The lead clown was the most ludicrous of the lot: he had bigger shoes, baggier trousers, brighter make-up and the most enormous red nose. And part of the lead clown's job was to make fun of people in the audience.

So the clown looked around for someone to hassle, and saw a rather stupid-looking man sitting right in the front row. Ideal. He went up to the stupid twin and said:

"Sir, are you the front end of an ass?"

The stupid man sat there wishing that he hadn't come, wishing that the clown would go away and pick on someone else. He knew he wasn't very intelligent, and he knew he would come out of this looking very foolish. But he spoke up. "No," he said.

"Sir, are you the back end of an ass?" the clown continued.

"No, I'm not," the stupid man replied.

"Then, sir," the clown said slowly, letting the audience savour the moment, "you are no end of an ass!"

The audience, having a fairly poor sense of humour, erupted into laughter. The stupid man just wished he could die. Fortunately for him, the show was soon over.

When he got home, the stupid man told his brother what had happened.

"Don't worry," said the master of ready wit and stunning repartee, "I am a master of ready wit and stunning repartee. Tomorrow night I will go to the circus and make that clown look foolish."

So the next night, the master of ready wit and stunning repartee went to the circus, and got a front row seat. Being an intelligent man, he was considerably less impressed by the sight of dumb animals being made to do tricks, although he had to admit that the trapeze artists were rather tasty.

Then the clowns came out, and the one with the biggest shoes, baggiest trousers, brightest make-up and most ludicrously over-sized nose looked around the audience for someone to make fun of. He could not believe his luck. There, sitting in the front row, was the stupid man he'd got such a laugh out of the night before. So the clown approached the master of ready wit and stunning repartee and asked:

"Sir, are you the front end of an ass?"

"No," said the master of ready wit and stunning repartee.

"Sir, are you the back end of an ass?" the clown continued.

"No, I'm not," replied the master of ready wit and stunning repartee.

"Then, sir," said the clown, "you are no end of an ass!" The crowd went wild with laughter. The joke went down even better than it had the night before, and the clown felt on top of the world.

But just then the master of ready wit and stunning repartee stood up, smiled sadistically and said:

"Fuck off you red-nosed bastard."


Want that on a shirt? One of the new T-shirts say just that.
I got this nice joke from The Oxford University Company of Archers. You've probably heard this one before, but it was pretty funny the first time.


Hey, if you have a great (or even not-so-great) clown joke, I would love to hear it and put it up!!



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